The Afterlife

 
Do you have TimeHop? I do and love it (most of the time). It shows me things I have forgotten, memories of another time and place. But it has also caused me to pause and reflect this past month.  See, three years ago I was newly divorced. I ended a relationship that I had been in for 7 years of my life.  Three years ago I was standing on the precipice of a new life and had no idea where to go, so I jumped.
 
I jumped into all things new. I was attending a new church that welcomed me with open arms and full hearts, I delved deeper into relationships with blog friends and my IRL friends.  I realized that for the past 2-3 years I had been standing still in unhappiness and for the first time I needed to jump.
 
I admit the first couple of months of being single were great. I felt free. But I was also in a dark place.  I lived in deep fear and guilt.  I visited the land of regret more times than I can count and worried I had done the wrong thing.  Let's be honest, there are times I still find myself on the edge of guilt and regret and I have to remind myself that its also easier to go there rather than see how far I have come.  Yes, its easier to think what could have been at 2 am when you baby is crying or in the middle of the day when work makes you want to scream, or when you see photos of his new life and wonder why.
 
I was reading a post from three years ago last night and it struck my how far I have really come.  I wrote of being still in my chapter in life and I realized that I endured.  I was patient and looked inward for love and acceptance and it brought me to where I am.  It allowed me to focus on myself for once and that introspection brought me closer to Him and to who I needed to be.
 
So, here I am three years later and again I need to Be Still in what I call my afterlife.  I need to stop and realize that I am in the trenches of life and its ok.  There is nothing new and exciting on the horizon for once and its ok.  I need to be still in the lot He has guided me to and take joy in it.  I must count my blessings and be thankful for this new life I have created and been granted.
 
So, for those of you that are struggling, know that you are not alone.  And even if all appears to be  well, we are all struggling.  So be still and listen. Be still and know that this time, moment, event will pass and a new life will be granted.  You too will have your afterlife.
LMWdivorce, faith