Marriage in Motion: How Do You Fight?
One of things le guy and I are doing to prepare for marriage is to go through pre-marital counseling. We choose to do it through our church and we are paired with a mentor couple. We just happen to love this couple, so the process has been fun. This week we discussed fighting. Ok, communication more precisely, but really it was how do you fight?
Le guy and I could not be more polar opposite when it comes to this topic. I mean I blog... I communicate. I am one with the words of my soul. I'm mad, you know it, sad you see it, stressed you feel it. He, on the other hand, is not so umm extroverted.
He is quiet, reserved, holds things in and internalizes them. In an argument, we becomes turtle man, kid you not his words not mine. I become the lioness hear my roar. As you can imagine this not bode well for resolving things in our world.
But what we learned is that we both want to accomplish the same goal, to resolve the conflict, but what drives our methods stems from learned traits. I learned to fight as kid to get what you want. He learned to think things through. I think I need to be louder to be heard and he wants to avoid saying the wrong things so he takes time to put his thoughts in order.
I'm sure so many of you can relate to one side or the other. However, the important thing to see is that neither of us is right or wrong. We are simply reacting how we feel will accomplish the end goal most effectively.
I realize I need to take a chill pill and he learned I just want to be heard and know that he is not blowing me off. Crazy how that works, huh?
We also learned I have a minor trust issue. No, I do not think he has lied to me, but I have a quest for the truth, I can sense when something is off with him and just have this need to know what that is. Wrong, eh, selfish, duh!
Yes, its my own selfish desire to be in control and know all that often leads to an argument, or my nagging tendency. I just want to know what is going on with him so I am not in the dark. Whereas, he is just protecting me from the junk that he deems unimportant to bring home to our relationship.
Point is, how do you fight and do you fight fair? Its something worth talking about with your spouse, significant other, heck your friends. We all communicate differently, but as long as you both know its coming from a place of love, it’ll be alright.